


Wrong place, wrong time

by Gnomecat



Category: Homeland
Genre: Fun, Lighthearted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-27
Updated: 2018-10-27
Packaged: 2019-08-08 08:21:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16425818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gnomecat/pseuds/Gnomecat
Summary: They knocked on the wrong door......





	Wrong place, wrong time

Blinds drawn and lights off, Quinn sat in darkness at the kitchen table. The glow from the phone screen illuminated his face as he watched the live feed from the security camera trained on the front porch. There was a lot of movement on the street outside but nobody had approached the house yet. It seemed like the deterrent he’d placed outside earlier was doing its job. Good. He watched the scene for a few minutes and then, satisfied everything was calm, minimised the security footage and returned to his e-book. 

 

Several chapters later the tell-tale creak from the wooden porch steps caught his attention and he flipped back to the security camera feed to see three figures standing on the porch. The tallest figure in the middle knocked loudly on the door. It looked as though he was wearing army fatigues. The second man was wearing all black and was obscuring his face with a hood. The third man was wearing a mask and some sort of dark cape.

Quinn stayed quiet and kept his eyes on the screen. He noted that other than the three figures on the porch there was no-one else in sight and the street was deserted. 

 

“Trick or treat!” It was definitely delivered more like a threat than a question and was accompanied by another loud knock on the door.

Fucking teenagers. He clicked his tongue in annoyance. Didn’t they know the pumpkin rule and didn’t they see the sign on the front gate? He drummed his fingers on the table and watched closely as army-boy put his ear up to the door and mask-boy leaned over to try to peer in the front window. He shook his head at their persistence and as they huddled back together he moved the screen closer to his face to try to get a better look at what they were up to. Hood-boy pulled a small box out of his bag, opened it up and offered it to the others. 

“Guess it’s a trick!”

There were three loud bangs in quick succession and Quinn winced at the mental image of three egg yolks sliding down his shiny green front door and pooling on his door-mat. Fucks sake! The chair screeched on the floor as he got to his feet. They certainly weren’t going to get away with that. 

 

He slipped out the kitchen door and stealthily hurried down the side of the house until he reached the front. Judging by the laughter something significant was happening on the porch and he slowly crept forward until he could see what they were doing. He clenched his fist when he saw.

Army-boy was throwing a roll of toilet paper into the air, hood-boy had emptied what looked like an entire can of silly-string on the door and mask-boy was filming it all on his phone. In less than a minute they had made a total complete and utter mess of his porch. Assholes!

With his right hand still clenched in a fist it took all his willpower not to charge straight up the steps, smack their heads together and squash hood-boy’s face into that silly string mess. He squeezed his fingers into his palm, counted to ten and took the time to have a good look at exactly who he was dealing with. He definitely didn’t recognise them. They weren’t kids from his neighbourhood. Hell, they weren’t even kids. He could only see army-boy’s face but he looked at least 18 or 19 and all three of them were equally tall and well-built. They couldn’t go around disrespecting people and their hard-earned property. They needed to be taught a lesson. 

 

“Hey!” In a few short strides he positioned himself at the bottom of the steps and caught their attention by smacking his hand loudly on the wooden post at the side of the porch. The youths jumped in surprise but army-boy, clearly the leader, recovered quickly and squared up to confront him. 

“Fuck off old man.” 

The three boys laughed as the cardboard inner tube from the toilet roll bounced off Quinn’s chest. He didn’t flinch and kept his voice calm. “I want you to apologise right now and clean up this mess.”

They laughed even louder and nudged each other. “What you gonna do about it?” The boy in the scary mask picked up an egg and poised to throw it at him.

“Think again.” Quinn spoke softly but the tone of his voice and expression on his face made mask-boy reconsider and lower his arm.

“No! Do it!” Army-boy stepped back, grabbed an egg and moved his arm backwards to take another shot. 

Quick as a flash Quinn crossed the porch, grabbed army-boy’s throwing arm and twisted it behind his back. 

“Ooow get your hands off me!” Army-boy thrashed violently, dropping the egg on his own foot in the process. “Fuck! My sneakers! Look what you…Oow!” Quinn kept a strong hold and jerked his arm upwards causing army-boy to shriek again at an even higher pitch. Point made, he lowered the arm to a slightly more comfortable height and shifted position to manoeuvre army-boy backwards until they were blocking the escape path.

The other two boys stood frozen to the spot. Now that their leader was incapacitated they seemed unsure about what to do.

“Shit! Don’t just stand there. Help me!” Army-boy continued to struggle but Quinn easily held him locked firmly in place. Army-boy wasn’t going anywhere. 

“The more you struggle the worse it gets,” he warned army-boy before turning his attention to the others. “You two are going to clean up this mess. Right now. Do it.”

“No fuckin way…” Hood-boy darted forward, his fists raised for a fight, but Quinn moved his foot and sent the boy stumbling face forward to the floor. He put his foot over hood-boy’s neck and held it there with just enough pressure to keep hood-boy still. He looked at mask-boy. 

“Think I can’t immobilise you as well? Think again. Clean up the mess. Now.”

“Ok ok chill man.” Mask-boy stood wide eyed and stock still while assessing his options. Decision made he started using the toilet paper to mop up the egg from the door. 

“Good decision.” 

Mask-boy kept wiping while hood-boy and army-boy struggled and yelled out obscene threats. Quinn barely noticed the protests but did note in annoyance that the toilet paper was disintegrating and making even more of a mess.

“You missed a bit,” he pointed to a stream of yolk running down the door. “And you’re leaving bits of paper everywhere. Come on. Hurry up. Use your cape if you have to.”

Mask-boy took off his cape and started wiping up with that instead.

“And pick up the shells.”

Mask-boy gathered up the shells and hid them all in the cape.

“Good, now take your bag and his bag and place them over there in the corner.”

Mask-boy did as he was told without a word and then stood, head down, waiting for new instructions. 

 

Quinn assessed the porch. “Not great but I’ll do. Now apologise. All three of you. And don’t let me see you in this street again.”

“Sorry.” Mask-boy spoke up first.

“Sorry.” Hood-boy’s response was more of a growl, prompted by a small increase in pressure on his neck.

Army-boy stayed silent until Quinn jerked his arm upwards again. “Sorry!” It was more a squeak than an apology.

None of them sounded particularly sincere but it was good enough. “Now fuck off and don’t come back.” He simultaneously lifted his foot from hood-boy’s neck and pushed army-boy away. 

Hood-boy scrambled to his feet and all three boys darted past him and down the path away from him. 

“Psycho!” One of them yelled but they didn’t stop running.

 

Idiots. He surveyed the porch again. It wasn’t perfect but it was at least acceptable. He’d clean it properly tomorrow morning. 

 

He let himself inside the house through the front door, closed it quietly behind him and then leaned against the door to catch his breath. He was suddenly aware of how fast his heart was beating and of the emotions- both good and bad- it had stirred within him. How many years had it been since he felt like this? Had he over-reacted? He paused to think about that. No. He decided. Not really. He hadn’t hurt them- he’d just restrained them and done a damn good job at it. He was so lost in thought that he jumped out his skin when the hallway light suddenly flicked on.

“What the hell’s going on down here? What was all the noise about?” 

He watched as Carrie made her way slowly down the stairs, holding on tightly to the handrail as she carefully placed her fluffy bunny slippered feet on each step. He’d told her a hundred times that the huge slippers were a trip hazard and would be the death of her but she was still determined to wear them.

“I was just dealing with some local hoodlums. They made a bit of a mess on the porch but I persuaded them to clean it up again.”

“Hmm so they didn’t take any notice of your polite sign on the gate then?” Carrie raised her eyebrows and grinned. “I hope they’re still alive!”

“Barely a scratch!” He winked back. “No, really, they’re fine.” He felt compelled to add that just in case.

“What about you? You shouldn’t have confronted them, what if….” 

“Look I even got their swag bag. Free candy!” He distracted her with the contents of the treat bag.

“Ooh Snickers… yum it’s been ages since I had one of those… Oh!” She yelped in surprise as he grabbed hold of her hand and gently pulled her towards him. He wrapped her in his arms and kissed her before turning her around in a slow dance. 

“Hmmm you’re full of beans tonight,” she kissed him back and smiled at him, her eyes shining. 

“Yeah…” he kissed her again and ran his hand tenderly through her hair. He pulled her close again and breathed in the sweet scent of her shampoo.

“Are you sure you’re ok? You’re not as y….” 

“I’m fine,” he interrupted not wanting to hear the end of her sentence. “Well…actually…..” he was struck by a sudden inspiration, “I did feel a slight twinge in my back…. maybe if you rubbed it better for me…..” He rubbed the small of his back for effect and she laughed. 

“Hah, nice try. Come on. Go make me a cup of tea to go with my Snickers.” She smacked him playfully on the ass and pushed him towards the kitchen. “And then maybe we’ll see about your back…” 

 

“Ooh yea” With a renewed spring in his step he walked into the kitchen and picked his phone up from the table. “I’ll get Johnny to make it for us.” 

He swiped his fingers on his phone, found the app, pressed ‘activate’ and the eyes on the silent figure standing in the corner of the kitchen blinked open.

“I know it's meant to make our life easier, but I still find it a bit creepy. And are you really going to keep calling it that?!” Carrie rolled her eyes.

“What?! _'Number five is alive!'_ Come on, it’s the perfect name. Owning a robot was my childhood dream!”

“What does Johnny, the real Johnny I mean, think about this?”

“Do you know…..?” Quinn paused as he selected the instructions for making the tea and pressed ‘go.’ They both watched, still a little bit in awe of the technology, as the Kitchen-tron 2048 whirred into life and walked to the kitchen cupboard. They held their breath as it selected the mugs and grasped them delicately with its robot hands and then let their breath out as it placed them gently and safely on the table “….. do you know, he didn’t have a clue what I was talking about at first. He didn’t remember the movie. Wasn’t even sure if he had ever seen it!”

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“I’m not surprised. It was already an old movie when he was born. Jeez …. It must be about 60 years old now!”

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“62- but it’s a classic! I told him I’d find a copy and show it to the grandkids tomorrow.”

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“62 years! Time flies. Actually that reminds me. Franny phoned earlier to say she might be a bit late tomorrow. She also tried to trick me into revealing your Halloween costume. I almost told her. Have you finished making it yet?”

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“Oh yes, wait ‘till you see it. They’re going to scream!”

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Carrie shook her head and watched as the robot poured the water and milk without spilling a drop. “Thanks Johnny.” She picked up the steaming mugs of tea from the table and handed one to Quinn. “Happy Halloween!” 

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He clinked her mug with his. “Happy Halloween!”

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**Author's Note:**

> Happy Halloween everyone! :-)


End file.
